I recently asked a friend to describe me and her response was I think you are outspoken and the definition of an outspoken person is someone who is frank in their opinion, whether controversial or not and I think she had it spot on.
Besides me being sure of my character, I found myself struggling on whether or not I should write this post, I got a lot of advice from a couple of friends and they advised me not to write the post but my heart says otherwise lol. I started this blog because I wanted to show young women like myself that you can look and feel great on a budget, to empower them to be more than what society tells them to be (besides not feeling very empowered myself at that time) and a space where I feel bold enough to express myself honestly because I am so socially awkward, so I feel like this is a perfect space to open up about a recent experience.
As many of you know, I had been in a relationship for 5 years and it came to an abrupt end. I started dating my ex when I was 17 going on 18 and he was 19 , it was love at first sight (at least for me), when we started dating my life plans instantly changed because of this new person in my life, this was the first time I had been in love and the first year was heaven, but as you grow these things become complicated but regardless we still managed to stay somewhat happy but still together, fast forward to now the relationship is over and it was devastating for me , I was beside myself with emotions. I was angry at myself because I felt like a failure, I was hurt deeply and I wanted to take revenge so bad ( I did in the silliest of things ? but that’ a story for another day lol) and I constantly wondered what my future was going to be like without this person, I was hopelessly depressed.
Not to worry the story has a happy ending lol. So now some time has passed and I have come to terms with everything and my life is back to normal, so I decided to share with young women some lessons I learnt from this necessary experience.
I believe every woman goes through one of these relationships that threatens to break your spirit when it ends but thank goodness because I have an antidote that I wish someone had sat me down and told me before I committed myself to a long term relationship.
Lesson 1 – Pray pray pray
When you first get into a relationship, I advise you to seek God about the person you are dating and its not to say you are seeking God because the person is a bad person, but seeking God for guidance, the person might be a good person but you may not be good for each other, If you pray and ask God for a sign he will answer, however if you are already in love you might see clearly the signs and ignore them but if God says that person is not for you it will eventually just end.
Lesson 2 – Do not change your life plans
I know first hand that love is an overwhelming feeling,its like a drug and you will go to the ends of the earth to please your significant other but making a life changing decision based on love(any emotion) is a bad idea because what if it doesn’t work out and you have thrown all your eggs in one basket, I learnt from business finance that you have to diversify your business portfolio to reduce risks and I think the same concept works in life, you need to diversify your life you can have a relationship and still chase your dreams, go to that university that is far away if your relationship is strong enough it will survive if not it was never yours. I was not wise I put my eggs in one basket and followed my ex to Africa University, but all is not lost, I still have a degree in Accounting just took 4 years when I wanted to do it 3.
Lesson 3 Live for yourself
I mentioned when I started dating my ex he quickly became my everything, I started to spend all my free time with, if we weren’t together we were constantly chatting , I pulled away from my friends and this made me dependent on him more than he dependent on me, he kept his friends but I didn’t. I relied on him for happiness, for encouragement for emotional support and when we would disagree I would find myself depressed because I had no one to turn to and he had his friends. So my advice you love your man yes but do not depend on him too much he is human too instead keep a separate support system for yourself, find what makes you happy outside your relationship, find yourself amd seek God earnestly.